


Roses Under The Cypresses

by shittyfoureyes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Canon Rewrite, Canon Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Commitment, First Love, First Time, Fix-It, Friendship, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Insecurity, Love Confessions, M/M, Memories, Mutual Pining, Promises, Self-Denial, Sharing, Slight Manga Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:47:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28212648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shittyfoureyes/pseuds/shittyfoureyes
Summary: I am a forest, and a night of dark trees: but he who is not afraid of my darkness will find banks full of roses under my cypresses.
Relationships: Levi & Eren Yeager, Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 24
Kudos: 40
Collections: 18+ Ereri Discord Server Winter Exchange 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LavenderHedgie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LavenderHedgie/gifts).



> This one's for you, Dee! You're not only rad as heck, you're one of my oldest fandom buddies and I'm so happy that you're still here. I hope 2021 is an amazing year for you, and I hope you enjoy my gift to you :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The life of the dead is placed on the memories of the living. The love you gave in life keeps people alive beyond their time.

“Eren.”

Auruo’s just bit his tongue, and Petra is shrieking. Gunther is slapping the table; he and Erd have erupted into raucous laughter. Eren didn’t hear him over all that commotion, so he calls out to him again.

“He looks lonely.”

Eren blinks. Petra stops dabbing Auruo’s mouth with her napkin to wave goodbye. He blinks again. The table is empty, and the tinkling of silverware has replaced laughter. 

His words were intended only for Eren’s ears, so Armin spoke softly. He knows that Eren has heard him this time, although the silent lowering of his eyes is the only sign he has. Armin looks away to study the grit at the bottom of his teacup. 

Armin knows Eren better than anyone. He knows why Eren gets that look in his eyes. He knows what each expression means. He knows his different sighs. He didn’t need to ask where he was just now. He’d seen him gazing blankly across the room, at the table and its chairs, all but one of them empty, and he’d seen his gaze linger on the man who sat in it. 

He’s thinking about them again.

In the beginning, they were all he had. After the trial, Eren had immediately been handed off to Captain Levi and taken away, forced to cope with his scary new reality and the knowledge of what he really was in an unfamiliar place, isolated from his friends, and under the constant scrutiny of people who knew nothing about him beyond his ability to become a titan. Armin was worried; he didn’t know how well Eren could handle being alone after all that happened.

  
Armin knew Squad Levi for less than a day. He knew nothing about them. He didn’t know what kinds of conversations Eren had with those people. Were they joking and laughing with Eren, or were they cold to him? Was Eren scared? Did he miss his friends? Was he still alive?

Armin wondered if Captain Levi knew how much Eren admired him. Eren had had his eye on him since they were kids. He hoped Captain Levi was treating him well.

He and Eren were reunited on the day they were to depart on their very first exterior scouting mission. Much to Armin’s relief, Eren was okay. In fact, Eren seemed more than okay. He seemed happy, and it seemed like it had something to do with his new captain.

Eren rarely spoke of Squad Levi after the expedition. 

Captain Levi never did. 

Only two of the original six are still alive. Besides Eren and Captain Levi, only two others remember them as they were; they will live on in their memories only as long as they do, and then Squad Levi will be forgotten. 

All Armin remembers about them are their bodies, but Eren remembers their voices. 

“I think he could use a friend.”

Eren’s shoulders slump. He sighs, fully aware of what Armin is hinting at. He’s been saying things like that for so long, and each time he does, Eren dies a little more inside. He wishes he’d stop. He wants to be that friend more than anything, and perhaps he can be, but... He wants to be more than that, and he knows it's impossible. He can’t be that for Levi. And Levi can’t be what he wants him to be to him. 

“I can’t go over there, Armin. I’ll only remind him,” Eren says sadly.

Though Armin can only see two of them, what Eren just said was definitive proof that all of Squad Levi is still alive; they’re here right now, right in this very room, each and every one of them.

“Have you considered that maybe he doesn’t want to forget?” Eren and the captain are so much alike. They have so many painful memories, and they’ve both lost so much, many of those pains and losses they experienced together. “They were his friends. I think he’d find comfort in knowing that he’s not the only one missing them. Look at him, Eren. Can’t you tell he’s already thinking about it?”

“Armin…”

“Do you still feel like it was your fault?” Eren says nothing. Armin didn’t need him to. “He doesn’t blame you for it, Eren. No one does.”

“Yeah.”

“He’s all alone over there. No one else wants to sit with him, and you’re over here ignoring him. That must be the loneliest feeling in the world. He needs you—even just as a friend. You’re the only one who understands what he’s going through because you went through it with him. You care about him. I know you do. Why don’t you want him to know that?”

“I… I do, but…”

“Eren! Stop it! He wants you to come sit with him!”

“How the hell would you know?” Eren snaps, trying to swallow down that tiny sliver of hope he can’t ever seem to get rid of.

“Because he keeps looking at you.” Eren immediately looks up; Captain Levi immediately looks down. Armin looks at them both and sees two matching frowns. “Just go over there! Here, look, your teacup is empty. Now you have an excuse. Go!”

Eren sighs again and finally relents. He stands up, collects his teacup, and begins the long journey of maybe a dozen or so steps that he seems to believe are miles. Armin watches closely. Eren stares at his own feet as he walks toward the man he has loved for years. When Levi notices Eren coming his way, his eyes widen for a fraction of a second. Then, just as quickly, his expression reverts to his characteristic mask of indifference, and once more, he’s looking every bit the stoic man he wishes to appear. To anyone but Armin, the near-imperceptible twitch of his fingers around the rim of his teacup and subtle brightening of his eyes when Eren arrived would’ve gone unnoticed. 

He can’t hear from this far away, but he can still see the words forming on Eren’s lips, exactly as he saw Eren biting the bottom one before he spoke.

“Hi, Captain.”

“Eren.”

“Is there any tea left?”

The captain nods and obliges, slowly and carefully refilling Eren’s cup–far slower than he ever pours his own.

Eren must realize he’s been staring at Levi’s face, so he looks away as Levi pours. Perhaps seeking moral support, Eren glances behind him to his own table.

He finds nothing but an empty teacup.  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is Love.

I’ve been friends with Eren for a long time. As kids, we were inseparable, the closest thing to a brother either of us would ever have, unless Eren’s parents... well, I won’t get into that. They didn’t. He’s still the closest thing _I’ll_ ever have to a brother. 

We've been through everything together. I’ve never known someone as brave as him. Honestly, he’s a little too brave. I discovered that right away. The first time we met, actually. 

It was a day like any other. I was sitting there reading, minding my own business, and all of a sudden, my arch-nemesis, Heinrich–ugh, that name still makes me shiver–turns the corner with his posse of delinquents. I remember thinking to myself, “well, here we go again.”

How have they not gotten bored of this yet? It’s the same thing every time. They see me, they taunt me by calling me a nerd or a girl, or make fun of my haircut–if I’m really lucky, they do all three–I ignore them, and then Hermann takes my book.

Why Hermann? Simple. Because he’s the big, dumb one, and the only thing big about Heinrich is his mouth. 

So there I was, jumping up and down trying to get my book back. Heinrich always holds it just out of my reach. Then out of nowhere, here comes this kid who couldn’t have been older than seven barreling straight for the biggest one. 

Perhaps it was because of the story that they’d so rudely interrupted, but all I could think of at that moment was that the sudden appearance of a (deranged, foul-mouthed) knight in shining armor must’ve meant that I was the damsel in distress. 

Before I knew what was happening, Eren had already flown past me and rammed himself head-first into Hermann’s stomach. You know, it’s funny. Looking back on it, Eren using his skull as a battering ram was a sign.

Unfortunately for Eren, Hermann was built like a brick wall, so he’d only succeeded in knocking him back a few steps, but that was enough to take the attention off me. Instead of running away when I had my chance, like an idiot, I stood there and watched him wrangle Eren into a headlock.

Even being choked out with his feet nearly two feet off the ground wasn’t enough to deter Eren. He was still cursing up a storm, kicking and punching and flailing around wildly, absolutely refusing to surrender no matter how tight he was being squeezed. Who was this kid? He was amazing.

I stood there in awe of my new hero until an ear-splitting howl snapped me out of it. 

Eren bit him. 

Eren leapt free, Hermann dropped my book, and I scrambled to get it before it got stepped on. Since the book thief was now out of commission, Eren rolled up his sleeves and set his sights on Heinrich. It was then that I realized that Eren intended to take on all five all by himself. Heinrich, of course, turned tail and ran for the hills like the chicken shit he is. Eren didn’t chase after him. Instead, he selected his next target, backed him into a corner, swung, and never stopped swinging.

And that's how our first meeting went. From then on, we were best friends.

Oh, Eren lost, by the way, but at least he got me my book back.

If you need more proof of just how stupid brave Eren is, I could tell you the story of how he ended up with a brand-new sister. Or the one where he tries to fight the Colossal Titan all by himself. 

Pardon my language, but I think Jean said it best: Eren has brass balls. 

But now it seems that they’ve gone missing. 

It’s pathetic. Eren can face titans head-on, but he’s too chicken to do something as simple as asking his captain on a date–and the same goes for the captain. I know he feels the same way about Eren, but Eren won’t listen to me. He thinks I’m crazy. I’m not. I may not have the physical strength the others do, but I make up for it in my own way. I see things. I hear things. I was right about Annie, and I know I’m right about this. It’s obvious that he gravitates toward Eren. I see how much closer he stands to him than any of the others. I hear how his voice changes when he talks to Eren. I see the way he looks at Eren. I see the way Eren looks at him. It’s happening right now.

I keep telling him to just go for it, but he just won’t listen. My god, the excuses he gives me! Soldiers can’t be thinking about love when they’re at war. Levi is his commanding officer, and fraternization between the ranks is forbidden. That Levi doesn’t like anyone. That Levi probably isn’t interested in men. That even if Levi was, he would never be interested in one who’s a titan. Well, you know how Eren is. Once he’s made up his mind, good luck. 

I do understand some of Eren’s concern. There’s no denying that he’s a complicated case. Even if you exclude the titan thing, he’s a lot for anyone to handle. I doubt anyone could. In fact, there’s only one person in the world who I think would be suited for that task, and wouldn’t you know it, it’s the very one that Eren is convinced would never love him back. Mmm-hmm. That’s right. Not _love_ him. Love him _back._ Those were Eren’s exact words. 

Once more, I’m sitting here having breakfast with Eren, and Eren isn’t eating; he’s sighing at Captain Levi and pretending like I haven’t noticed. He’s been doing this for years–and by years, I do mean _years._ He’s been fawning over him since we were kids. Now they’re fawning over each other and they're lonely.

Sure, Eren has lots of friends, but what about Levi? How many friends does Levi have? Not as many as Eren, I can tell you that much, and that number grows smaller every year. Besides, your friends can’t meet all your needs. There's only so much comradeship can provide. There are certain things you can only get from someone closer than a friend, and those are what Eren is in desperate need of. And I don’t mean just the emotional stuff. Maria knows how much Eren needs the _other_ kind. Probably Levi, too.

The most frustrating part of this is that they both clearly want this to happen. It would be so easy, but they’re either too stubborn or too cowardly to make the first move. The world is cruel, so why do they still refuse to allow themselves this one little bit of happiness? Everyone needs someone who understands them and loves them for who they truly are. I want Eren to have that happiness. I want the Captain to have it, too. If anyone deserves it, it’s them. 

That’s why I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands. What was it he said? If you don’t fight, you can’t win? I’m going to fight for this, and I’m going to win–for Eren. It’ll be a challenge, but I’m not going to give up until they get their happiness. 

No matter what it takes, it’ll all be worth it in the end.

If only Mikasa agreed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead.

  
  


Levi is standing at the window, gazing out into the courtyard, helpless to do anything but watch Eren fall, and he bites back the rage welling up inside him when a cheer follows. Eren hadn’t been paying attention, and it allowed a scout barely six months out of the Cadet Corps to sweep his legs out from under him. Eren would’ve never been so careless before.

Levi is pleased to behold the obnoxious grin falling right off that cocky scout’s face when Eren, looking utterly unaffected, rises from the unforgiving cobblestone and immediately squares up again.

“He’s going to be bragging about that for months.”

“Tch,” Levi responds to the menace hunched over with his elbows on the windowsill beside him. Levi knows. He would, too, if he’d bested someone who so greatly outclassed him. He’s never had to, though. 

“Hope he’s smart enough not to do it within earshot.”

“Hope he isn’t,” Levi says, in his first real reply of the afternoon. He’d been ignoring Hanji more and more lately, and today is no exception. Levi smirks to himself when the scout’s ass collides with the ground, having had his legs swept from under him just as he’d done to Eren. The two soldiers return to fighting stances once more, Eren sooner than his opponent, and Levi wonders if the gloating little shit will still have a tailbone by the time today’s hand-to-hand practice concludes.

“You know his ass is fine,” Hanji says, peering out of the corner of his eye to see if Levi has the expression he thinks he has–which he does. “A little bruise like that is nothing to that titan healing power of his. Not sure how well that works on a broken heart, though.” 

Levi sighs and rolls his eyes. This again. Hanji’s never been able to mind his own business, and Levi is painfully aware that isn’t changing anytime soon. He chooses to ignore this one in favor of watching with pride as Eren spins on his heel and introduces the side of the scout’s head to his boot.

“Nothing to say to that?”

“Fuck off.”

“You think I can’t tell how much it bothers you? I see how you look at him.”

“And how’s that?”

“I think you already know that, Levi.” Levi ignores this, too, but it’s obvious he’s in denial. He saw the way Levi’s jaw clenched. It’s been going on since the very beginning, and it’s getting worse by the day. It’s pathetic, and something needs to be done about it. “You don’t look at anyone else that way.”

“And how the fuck would you know, you shitty…” Levi pauses, furrowing his brow and frowning before continuing. “...two-eyes. You can’t see shit.” Levi hopes his insult gets the message across–as if that’ll do him any good. He folds his arms over his chest and observes the next round. He’ll never admit it, but Hanji is right; somehow, he still sees too much. 

“Because that’s the way he looks at you. That’s the look of a man in love. I don’t need both eyes to see that, but apparently, that isn’t the case for you. And by the way, you should probably work on a new insult, shitty one-eye.”

Levi ignores Hanji’s retort, not just because he hates it when Hanji’s right, but because he’s stuck on something he said. That word… It’s impossible. And it’s new.

Hanji and Erwin used to just call it feelings. They never shut up about how he had _feelings_ for Eren. 

No shit he had feelings for Eren. He just didn’t know what those feelings were, and it was maddening to be constantly reminded of them. What’s worse is that it wasn’t just _his_ feelings they kept going on and on about. They seemed to be convinced that Eren also had feelings for him.

_Feelings._

He’d lain in bed many a lonely night searching for answers, with Eren’s face greeting him every time he closed his eyes. These strange new _feelings_ were uncomfortable at best, unbearable at worst; sometimes he felt like he’d swallowed his blade, other times he felt dizzy, overheated, queasy. He loved it; he hated it. It was terrifying, and he wanted to run towards it. The only thing that remained constant through those times was the overwhelming foreignness of it all. 

And then they started using that word.

He didn’t know how Hanji and Erwin could be so confident, but they wouldn’t back down. They kept pushing and pushing, insisting that they knew him better than he knew himself. Deep down, he’d always feared that’s what it might be, but he refused to accept it; it couldn’t possibly be true. How would he even know if it was? He’s never felt it before.

But they were right. He was in love, and they knew it before he did.

And he wishes they were wrong. 

It’s impossible. He isn’t the right one for Eren. Eren is young, unjaded, hopeful; he has his whole life ahead of him, whereas Levi is old and damaged, cynical; he can’t drag Eren down into hell with him. There is much Eren doesn’t know about him. So much he doesn’t want Eren to know. Eren would turn tail and run. 

Take, for example, how much of a liar he is. He isn’t what he seems. He may appear strong on the outside, but the whole tough-guy Captain Levi thing is just an act; a facade. Inside, he’s weak. He’s hurt and lost and scared. He’s lonely.

And not only that, there’s a darkness within him so vast and bottomless that it could devour Eren’s light and forever ruin him. But Eren’s light… it’s blindingly bright. Maybe, just maybe, it could be bright enough to… no. He can’t take that chance.

He knows this, yet every time those smiling, radiant green eyes meet his, he yearns for a taste of that which he can never have. He wants it, wants to know how it feels to have someone’s arms around him, and he only wants Eren’s around him. He wants to let him warm the chill from his bones.

He loves Eren, and that’s why it can never be.

For once, Levi is actually grateful for Hanji interrupting his thoughts, though he’s not grateful for how he chose to do it.

“I don’t need both eyes to see how others look at him, either. Can’t say I blame them, though. Just look at him. With eyes like that, it’s no wonder he has half the Corps lining up for a piece.” Hanji needles him harder, hoping that playing on Levi’s jealousy will piss him off enough that he snaps. He’s seen how Levi looks when he sees people making eyes at Eren. 

Hanji is right on that account as well. Eren’s always been handsome. In the time that’s passed since Levi first beheld that wild-eyed young scout clutching the bars of his jail cell, he’s grown even more beautiful to behold. His jaw has sharpened, his shoulders have broadened, and he’s added more bulk to his already muscular frame. Eren hasn’t cut his hair in years. Nowadays, he tends to wear it in a topknot, and when a stray lock falls loose from it, Levi imagines himself tucking it behind his ear. Sometimes he imagines himself taking his hair down and running his fingers through it. 

Levi hates having those shameful thoughts about Eren. He’s been having them forever, and he’s always fought them off, but he’s getting weak in his old age. Levi often finds himself lost in Eren’s eyes, so big and green and always looking at him–only one other’s eyes have ever borne a resemblance to them, and even those paled in comparison to the beauty he sees in Eren’s.

Eren’s eyes have changed, too. They’ve grown tired, dim. They lack the bright, hopeful sparkle they once had, and his smile has dimmed along with them. Eren still smiles, but they’re smaller–and not always genuine. 

But Eren still looks at him. Still smiles at him. And when it’s for him, it’s always a little brighter, except there’s something sad in the way he does it now, and it tugs at Levi’s heartstrings. Sometimes it’s too painful to endure. 

“He’s in love with you, Levi.”

“And he’s my subordinate,” Levi snaps.

“Moblit was mine,” Hanji returns the volley, though his counter-argument lacks the aggression Levi’s had. 

“Another reason it’s a bad idea.”

Hanji groans. “You’re a fool. A damn fool. You think you’re better off without him because he might die? I hate to break it to you, Levi, but everyone dies. Ever since I joined the Survey Corps, I’ve had people dying on me every day. But you understand, don’t you? One day or another, everyone you care about eventually dies. It’s something we simply can’t accept. It’s a realization that could drive you insane. And spare me that bullshit about ranks.” Levi turns his face away, and it only spurs Hanji on.

“Refusing to accept your feelings isn’t going to win the war, Levi. We’re not going to live to see the end of it. How long do you think Eren is going to live? How long do you think you will? What a shame it would be for him to die before either of you knew what it was like to be loved. There’s no bigger tragedy than that.” Hanji’s demeanor softens toward the end. 

“How do you know he hasn’t?” Levi mumbles.

“Because, Levi, in the time you’ve been together, he’s never looked that way at anyone else.” 

“So? He’s only known me for a few years. He could’ve loved someone before.”

“Shit-for-brains, he enlisted when he was _twelve._ Not exactly the age when you have romance on your mind.” Hanji’s starting to lose his cool again. Every conversation they have about this is more exasperating than the last. 

“Exactly. He’s too young to know what he wants. There’s plenty of time for him to grow out of his stupid crush and meet someone better. Go for someone his own age.”

“And do you want him to do that?” Silence. “That’s what I thought. He’s a grown man, Levi. Most people his age are already settling down to start families. ”

“Then that’s all the more reason to choose someone else. Someone who can give him that, because I can’t. He should be with a woman.” 

“A woman? Are you kidding me? Have you ever seen him even _look_ at a woman? Half the girls in the Corps are practically throwing themselves at him, and he’s never spared them a second glance. Don’t think I’ve even seen him give them a first. He’s in the prime of his life, and he still only has eyes for you. You think you know better than him about what he wants? Don’t patronize him, Levi. He’s not a child. You should be ashamed of yourself.”

_I already am._

“Nothing to say to that, either? Look at what this war is doing to him. He looks so tired, Levi. You can see in his eyes the toll it’s taking on him. He has such a burden on his shoulders. He needs someone who understands.”

“He has his friends.”

“None of his friends are Humanity’s Last Hope. They couldn’t even begin to understand what that’s like. You do. He needs you, Levi. If you truly care about him, and I know for a fact that you do, don’t make him carry that burden alone.”

“As if all my fucking baggage wouldn’t add to it.”

“Oh, come off it. Do you not understand that he loves you? If you don’t want him to suffer alone, why would you think he wants you to? Don’t act like you don’t wish you had someone to be there for you.”

“I don’t.”

“You’re a liar and a coward. You need him as much as he needs you.”

“Enough.” There’s a warning in his tone that makes the hair on the back of Hanji’s neck stand up, but he’s not as cowardly as Levi. He refuses to back down.

“I’ve known you since the day Erwin dragged you up from the slums. I know what happened. Did you wish you’d never met them? Did they mean nothing to you?”

“I said enough!”

“No. You’re talking to your commander now, and I’m making this a direct order. You’re going to stand here and listen to me until you open that fucking eye of yours. Someday it’s going to be too late. Will you regret it, Levi? When he dies, will you regret letting him spent all his nights alone crying for you in an empty bed, wishing you were there to hold him? I know you’ve heard him. Will you regret knowing that he loved you and fought for you and died for you and until his dying breath thought you never loved him back? Would you really do that to him?”

“Goddammit, Hanji, I said that’s–”

“You’ll address me as commander, or I’ll have you court-martialed for insubordination.”

“Yet you’ll turn a blind eye to fraternization.”

“Very original. But I’m not the one who’s turning a blind eye to something here, and I don’t just mean Eren’s feelings. Funny how you bring up fraternization. You seem to have forgotten that it is permitted at the commander's discretion. You’ve served under three, haven’t you? Now, I don’t know what Shadis’ stance was, but then again, there was never a reason to bring it up, was there? Commander Erwin, on the other hand..."

\---

Levi saw him approaching out of the corner of his eye. He ignored it, even after the towering figure came to a stop to spectate alongside him.

“Impressive.”

Again, Levi acts as if he hadn’t noticed the commander’s presence, though he bristled at the sound of his voice. Erwin hadn’t said anything wrong. It was an accurate assessment: he is impressive. He’s just… 

“You must be proud of him.”

Correct again. He is very proud of him. Eren had rushed forward and thrown the other soldier, a boy twice his size, over his shoulder. He did it so smoothly, so effortlessly, and afterward, instead of gloating, he offered his opponent his hand and helped him up. 

Levi sighs, releasing himself from his thoughts. It’s no use trying to hide it. Not from the commander, at least. Still, that doesn’t mean he’s going to talk about it. He isn’t even sure what _it_ is.

“You should tell him.”

“Tch.” _I’m not falling for that one, Lefty._

“You should. I think it would make him very happy, Levi. If anyone could use a little happiness, it’s him. Wouldn’t you agree?” 

Levi finally looks over to acknowledge his commanding officer, and the sly little grin he sees makes his blood boil. Levi scowls, and when he notices the commander’s chest shaking, he has a sudden urge to reenact Eren’s last bout; narrowing his eyes only furthers the commander’s amusement. Without a word, Levi turns away. He steps toward the fence, props his foot on the bottom rung, and leans forward on his elbows to shout across the yard. 

“Oi, Jaeger.” Levi doesn’t notice how everyone went still, all clearly shocked to hear him raise his voice.

“Sir?” Eren echoes, instantly dropping his fighting stance to offer a proper salute, locking his big, nervous eyes on the man who he’s been trying so hard not to look at for approval after every successful attack.

“Well done.”

“Wha–huh? Thank you, sir!” Eren stammers, beside himself with joy.

Levi nods and turns back to face Erwin, who had followed him up to the fence. They both noticed how Eren’s face lit up at the praise; how he smiled, _glowed,_ how his shoulders straightened and his chest puffed with confidence. That’s why Levi had to look away. He suddenly feels like he has indigestion. His breakfast must’ve disagreed with him, even though he eats the same one every day. Or it could just be Erwin’s infuriating snickering that’s making him want to vomit up his oatmeal.

“There. Satisfied?” The glare Levi directs at the commander would have a lesser man trembling in his boots. It’s never worked on Erwin. He maintains it just for show until Erwin’s had his fill of humiliating him and his mirthful chuckling fades into a deep hum. Erwin stares at him with a smile so warm and patronizing that Levi considers finishing the job he started with Farlan and Isabel all those years ago. “They’re going to give him so much shit for that, you know.” 

“I have a feeling he won’t mind. Being on the receiving end of a little harassment from his comrades might work out to his benefit.”

“Excuse me?”

“Under article 117, directing provoking gestures or speeches toward a comrade-in-arms is a punishable offense, and as such, any offenses must immediately be reported to one’s commanding officer. Now, seeing as Eren is already quite familiar with violating article 117...”

“Are you calling my soldier a snitch?”

“Hardly.”

“Oh? Then what, pray tell, is it that you’re trying to say about him, Commander?”

“I’m trying to say that he’d love an excuse to have a closed-door meeting with his commanding officer. And since he’d be following proper protocol instead of resorting to fisticuffs, it wouldn’t be him on the receiving end of the discipline for once. Really, Levi, I see no downside to this situation for him. You’ve praised him in front of his comrades, and if they tease him about it, not only will he get to spend time alone with you, he will also have the satisfaction of seeing them be reprimanded for it.”

“I have to go take a shit.”

“You haven’t been dismissed.”

“That’s fine. I’ll do it here.”

“Look. Do you see that young man fighting out there? The fate of humanity rests solely on him. What an unfathomable burden that must be. Levi, if you listen to nothing else I say, let it be this. As your commander and your friend, I implore you; don’t make him carry it alone as you do yours. Now you are dismissed.”

  



	4. Chapter 4

  
  


It’s been months since I made that promise, and, despite my best efforts, very little has changed. I knew trying to get two people as stubborn as Eren and Captain Levi together wouldn’t be easy, but, well… Let’s just say I underestimated them. 

Honestly, it’s a bit discouraging, and of course, I’m disappointed. Wouldn’t anyone be? But just because things haven’t turned out the way I hoped they would doesn’t mean I’m ready to call it quits; I just need to take some time to regroup and go over my notes. So far, I’ve just been relying on trial and error, and it’s become clear how woefully unprepared I was for the challenge. Like I said, I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but it isn’t as straightforward as I thought it would be. 

Think of it this way: All you have to do to kill a titan is sever its spinal cord. That’s pretty straightforward, right? You can do that in any number of ways. It doesn’t matter if you do it with finesse or brute force; as long as you cut deep enough in the right spot, the titan dies.

But sometimes, it isn’t always so cut and dry. 

You’re not always facing mindless titans. Sometimes there are conscious, intelligent human beings controlling them, and your orders will be to capture them alive, so you can’t just rush in for the kill like you normally would. You’ll need to be precise. Calculate your angle of attack first. Line up your strike just so. Chances are, you won’t have practiced this ahead of time. You don’t know if you’ll be able to cut them out without killing them in the process. What will you do, then? Look around for Captain Levi and see if he’ll do it for you? He might not be there. Do you wait and see if someone else steps up to the challenge? Do you rely on yourself or have faith in others? Do you run away? 

There’s risk involved in every option–for everyone. 

You can’t know what your choice will result in before actually choosing. Everyone can make a choice after they have learned what it will result in. It is so easy to say we should have done it this way afterwards. 

There’s no one right choice, but there is a wrong choice: You can choose to do nothing.

Metaphorically-speaking, this thing with Eren and Levi is an intelligent titan scenario, and I’m choosing to do something. On second thought, perhaps it isn’t. Metaphorical, I mean. You know, because Eren... Well, anyway. All of this is not to say it’s been a total bust; it hasn’t. They’re definitely closer than they were before. Still no sign of romance on the horizon, but, hey, as modest as it may be, progress is progress. 

It was in celebrating one of those small victories that I can’t really tell if I had a hand in or not that I realized I’d been overlooking a crucial part of my training. A concept I’ve had drilled into my head ever since my first day as a cadet. 

Teamwork.

The conversation went a little something like...

_“Spying on them again?”_

_“Who’s spying? We’re in public.”_

_“Hm.”_

_“What is it?”_

_“You know, my vision’s not the greatest, but I could’ve sworn I saw something just now. Did you see anything?”_

_“Yes, Commander, I believe I saw it too.”_

_“I thought you might have. Let’s talk strategy.”_

It was so strange. It almost felt as if Commander Erwin was there instead of Commander Hanji, speaking to me from beyond the grave. Maybe he was speaking to Hanji, too. How else would Hanji have known what I was up to? Am I really that obvious?

I know how absurd that sounds, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling. I’ll admit, I felt a little silly doing it since I knew he couldn’t hear me, but I said a silent prayer of thanks to Erwin anyway. It felt like the right thing to do.

Then the full reality of it hit me. The commander... the commander just... he _what?_

After the surprise wore off, I kicked myself. Why didn’t I think of this before? Hanji’s the only friend Levi has left. Of course, he’d care about him. Could we have been working together this entire time? Just how long has Hanji been trying to get them together? 

Doesn’t matter. With the two of us working together, come hell or high water, we’ll get them together somehow. 


	5. Chapter 5

_“Any luck?”_

_“Not yet.”_

_“None on my end, either.”_

_“This is so stupid. I mean, just look at them! It’s pathetic.”_

\---

So far, we’ve had no success. Not for lack of trying, mind you. 

Sure, maybe Commander Hanji has a few screws loose, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t sharp as a tack. Hanji has a mind that rivals even the late Commander Erwin; it's just that his genius tends to go unnoticed. Historically, that wild imagination of his has always been a strategic advantage, and we were going to put it to good use. The two of us were certain that with both our heads combined, we’d have them confessing in no time.

Perhaps we’d been overconfident in our skills. 

Oh well. No one gets it right the first time, right?

Maybe the second? Third? Fourth?

I don't think either of us were to blame for our failures. We carefully reviewed every detail and controlled for every possible variable, but every time we put one of our carefully constructed plans into action, something unexpected would come along and throw a wrench into it. One time it actually _was_ a wrench. That’s the one that made us realize that there are some things you just can’t predict, no matter how skilled or thorough or clever you think you are. 

What we needed was a controlled environment–or as close to one as we could get. 

The way Hanji proposed we do that made absolutely no sense to me at first. It seemed to me that it would do the opposite, and I admit, I initially objected to the idea, but Hanji made a good argument. There’s something to be said for loose screws because I certainly never would have come up with something like this, but, by god, I really think he's onto something. I think it just might work this time.

Commander Hanji and I are still iffy on some parts–especially since so much of it hinges on Eren–but we still have to try. Even if it isn't a complete success, knowing Eren, there’s no way it won’t lead to _something_. At the very least, a kiss. Of course, we’re hoping for more, but… well, we’ll just have to keep our fingers crossed.

Besides, it's too late to second-guess ourselves; the wheels are already in motion. All we can do now is wait.

And maybe start planning our funerals. 

\---

_“Eren.”_

_“Yeah, Captain?”_

_“I don’t know how to tell you this, but… I have no fucking clue where we are.”_

_“We’re lost? But… but what about the ma–oh. Captain, you… do know how to read a map, right?”_

_“Eren, just…shut up and help me find a landmark. It’s getting dark.”_


End file.
